For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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