and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
