this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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