You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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