It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
