Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
