i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You pole danced in your parka.
Send help, water and tortillas.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize