ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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