so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
