You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
