if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
