i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
