You can't motorboat a personality
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My balls are so social today.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I wear drunk well.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
