dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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