Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize