Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
