Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
