sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
