If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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