No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
someone owes me an orgasm
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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