If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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