I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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