i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
