the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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