Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize