I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
