Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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