haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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