at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I deserve this hangover.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
