I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
