dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
