the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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