A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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