She said her name was "party"
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
