i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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