I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
