His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
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