You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
3 2 1 whiskey
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
