she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
