There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
