You're completely useless in the revolution.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
