Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
