i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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