I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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