If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
