dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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