So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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