he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How does it feel to date your dad?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
