Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
ttyl tear gas
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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