she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize