I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
