after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize