I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
