office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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