my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
In other news, I just burned my penis
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Two words: blizzard sex
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
