Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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