you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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