why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
