great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
