So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
