your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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