My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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